It has been estimated that more than half of all husbands in the United States have had at least one extramarital affair. This is a grim statistic, and it’s a scary reality that, obviously, more than half of all wives in the United States will have to face during their marriages.
Why do men cheat? There are so many reasons, and none of them are as simple as men just having higher sex drives than women or men’s mind’s being controlled by their genitals. Let’s not give those excuses any credence. Men who cheat are doing the wrong thing. Men who cheat know what they’re doing, and for some reason, they go ahead and do it anyway. A man who cheats knows full well that he is putting his marriage on the line, and he accepts that possibility when he begins an affair or has a “discrete sexual encounter.”
Forgiveness is a hard concept for so many people to master in their own lives. We hold grudges and we burn bridges, just like our favorite television stars and movie heroes and heroines do. In our society, revenge is often given far more respect than forgiveness. However, marriage is a partnership that is supposed to be based on trust and unconditional love. So if the trust is broken, does that mean that the unconditional love should go by the wayside as well? Not all marriages end as the result of infidelity. While it will certainly be a hard and bumpy road, if a husband and wife are committed to saving their marriage after an affair, it can be done.
First and foremost, the cheating husband has to take responsibility for his despicable and disrespectful actions. Regardless of whatever other marital problems a couple has, cheating was not the answer to any of them. While infidelity is often a symptom of underlying marital problems, the underlying problems do not – and will never – be an acceptable excuse for the affair.
A cheating husband who tries to blame his wife for his affair is not a man who truly values his wife or wants to save his marriage. Husbands who cheat have to be accountable for their indiscretion. They have to understand that they have betrayed their vows and caused severe damage to their marital union.
Couples who want to survive an affair should not attempt to get past the event through denial. Denying that the affair happened will not work for the short term or for the long haul. You have to face the issue head-on as a couple in order to come to some sort of resolution so that you can get your marriage back on track.
Some cheating husbands attempt to woo their wives back with expensive gifts and jewelry or romantic vacations, but these are also futile techniques that are denial-based. It may be very hard to accept, but the affair happened – and you can’t turn back the clocks and go on living as if the sanctity of your marriage hasn’t been trampled on by infidelity. So many wives are so desperate to forgive their husbands and have “their life back” that they will attempt to just “get over it” without really dealing with it. This won’t help – it will only make their anger and hurt fester and grow until they explode.
Marriage counseling is very important for couples who are interested in saving their marriage after a husband’s infidelity. It helps to have an uninvolved, unbiased third party to mediate a married couple through the trials and tribulations of getting back on track after infidelity.
Marriage counselors can help couples to identify the core issues in their relationship that are holding them back. If a husband is unwilling to go to a marriage counselor after having an affair, he doesn’t have the emotional maturity to deserve to be taken back.