How to make an insecure child feel secure

The world can be a big, scary place for children. Sometimes, adults forget that there are circumstances, both real and imaginary, that can make a child feel insecure. Some children keep their fears and worries hidden, and it may be harder for a parent to pick up on their child’s insecurities.

Even if you don’t think your child has a problem with insecurity, you can still do your best to see that she continues to feel secure as she grows and develops. If you do sense that your child has certain fears, however, there are some steps you can take to help her feel more secure about her relationships, her surroundings, and herself.

Children are quite adept at picking up on negative feelings that may occur among family members and/or friends. If you and your spouse are having problems, don’t kid yourself into thinking that you have been able to keep those problems from your child. Even though he may not show it, chances are that he knows something isn’t quite right. He may not know exactly what the problem is, however, and that might just escalate his worries.

If you and your spouse are having difficulties, you obviously don’t need to go into the details of your relationship with your child. He doesn’t need to be treated as a confidante or be made to take sides. You should acknowledge that you are having some problems to your child, though, and you should comfort and reassure your child by telling him that the problems are only between the two of you, and you are doing your best to work things out.

You also need to let him know that you understand he may be frightened about the future, but he should know that you and your spouse love him and will work things out. Of course, if you think your relationship is heading towards divorce, don’t make your child empty promises. You should still reassure him, though, that it is all right to feel insecure, but you and your spouse will always be there to listen to him and to love him.

Of course, your child may feel insecure in her friendships. Depending on the age of your child, she may go through periods in her relationships with peers that vacillate from one day to the next. She may come home in tears over something a girlfriend said, and, then, the next day be deliriously happy because that girl invited her to a party.

You should do your part to comfort your child when she is particularly hurt or has a feeling of insecurity around other children, but try not to dwell on the particular incident. The less importance you assign to an occurrence, the less important that incident will become.

Unfortunately, not every home is encircled with a white picket fence, and not every child is living the American dream. Due to no fault of their own, many children are living indigent and homeless lives. Sometimes, this occurs because parents have lost their jobs and can’t afford the rising cost of living expenses. If you and your family have lost your home, or you have cut back on spending because of extenuating circumstances, your child may be hiding her growing sense of insecurity.

While she may not be able to understand what is happening to her family, she can understand that you still love her and will continue to provide for her and protect her in the best way that you can. Spend as much time with her as you can, and do your best not to let her see how worried and concerned you are over your situation.

Finally, help your child learn to be secure in herself. Look for positive ways to praise her for her talents and abilities. Help her to express her feelings in a productive and articulate way. If she is afraid that you and your spouse are going to divorce, help her put her fears into words. Once she has said them out loud, you can address them accordingly.

If she is having difficulty with a friend or classmate, practice various responses that she can give by role-playing with her. If your circumstances are difficult right now, help her find the humor in her daily activities. If you learn to become more sensitive to your child’s hidden fears and insecurities, you can help her become a more secure person.

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