Early in my marriage, I became well acquainted with the green-eyed monster known as jealousy. What started out as a mild nuisance quickly snowballed into a problem. It got to the point where I would turn my head away from a TV commercial featuring an attractive woman, only to hear my wife say, You still got a look in before you turned away.
There were arguments and tears and then more tears. Eventually, after a small bit of counseling, a lot of trial and error, mixed with a bit of maturity, things gradually got better. Along with the ways, I learned a great deal about jealousy and how best to cope with a jealous wife. I will pass along what I have learned to those coping with a similar problem.
What is Jealousy?
First, let’s go over what jealousy is. Jealousy is a feeling of concern or apprehension caused by a suspected rivalry in matters of interest and affection. This feeling may include the painful suspicion of the faithfulness of husband, wife, or lover. There are three basic types of jealousy. There is jealousy based on competition. This type of jealousy occurs when there is a real rivalry.
There is also jealousy that is projected. This feeling occurs when you blame your partner for being jealous when it’s really you that is feeling jealous. Finally, there is jealousy that is delusional. The delusional type of jealousy occurs when a person makes up imaginary scenarios in their heads that result in a feeling of jealousy.
Is Jealousy Always Bad?
So, is this feeling always a bad thing? No. Not always. Jealousy may have some positive benefits as well. Some doctors claim that a certain amount of jealousy can be as necessary as love. At times this feeling can help you be protective of real threats to your relationship. Some areas that a healthy amount of jealousy can help with include; help improve communications within the relationship; define relationship boundaries; increase commitment. Knowing these things can help add a silver lining to an otherwise dark cloud.
However to be able to truly deal with a jealous wife requires more than a broad understanding of the topic of jealousy. There is specific advice that may help those in the mist of a relationship plagued by jealousy. Here is some basic advice to consider.
Though it looks like the person you have married will always be subjected to a fit of jealous rage, this won’t likely always be the case. People grow, change, and mature. What was important enough to fret over in an earlier stage of marriage might not always be so important later on. From personal experience, I know that a little bit of maturing on the part of my wife, and a few kids have gone a long way towards helping with the issue of jealousy.
There are days now when she looks at me and simply says, I really don’t have the time or energy to get jealous. There were days early on in our marriage where I thought we would never get to that point. Patience goes a long way towards helping to cope with the problem.
The more trust I keep building into my relationship, the more it’s helped my wife control her jealousy. There are things that I do to help build this relationship of trust. For example, she knows that while at work, I have a long-standing rule not to have lunch with other females unless it’s in the company of a large group of friends. Knowing this keeps her from sinking too deeply into any type of delusional jealousy when she thinks about what I might be doing at work.
Help Build Self Esteem
At times a lot of issues with jealousy can be traced to your partner having a case of low self esteem. Find ways that you can contribute to building your partners self esteem. You might encourage her to take up a hobby, or start a work out routine. You may also find different ways to praise how she looks, or what she says. If your partner is feeling admired and loved, it’s harder for her to have a bout of jealousy.
As with any aspect of a relationship, improving your ability to communicate with your spouse can go a long way towards helping her overcome a problem with jealousy. Try to work with your wife to better define the boundaries that you have set for the relationship. You can help set boundaries in a non-blaming way by talking about other couples you know, and discussing what it is you like about how they handle a given situation.
Likewise, a good relationship takes constant work. Work with each other at reaffirming the commitment you have made to each other. Find time to go out and have fun with each other. Find hobbies you both can share and take part in together.
Though all relationships are different, these suggestions should apply to most cases. As a final note, try not to provoke your jealous wife. The feelings she is feeling are very real to her, be sensitive to them. Try to avoid situations that will lead to a jealous response. In time those jealous feelings might lessen or disappear altogether.