break up with someone kindly and honestly

Breaking up with someone is never easy. No matter the reason, the business of ending the relationship should be done in a kind and direct manner. The end of a relationship can be a very emotional time, but the guilt, anger, or sadness involved should not affect the way you deal with this person you used to have feelings for. Here are some things to remember when dealing with the blow.

  1. Know thy self: Make sure you are ready for the relationship to end. Don’t create a drama only to backslide into the relationship again in a few days. Reconcile your true feelings about the person and the problems in the relationship. Know that you will survive and perhaps even flourish when the relationship is over, then let your partner know there will be no second chances. If you are going to end it, end it for good.
  1. Don’t try to be his/her friend: Getting through a break up is emotionally draining, and both parties need to talk with their friends to get support and unload their feelings. You cannot be that friend under these circumstances. The nicest thing you can do for your Ex is to cut the ties. Don’t allow the guilt you feel over the break up to manifest itself in the otherwise kind gesture of listening to him/her discuss their hurt and loss. They have other friends, and will survive this event without your “help.”
  2. Be Direct and to the Point: Once the decision has been made to end it, don’t put off the inevitable. Don’t make yourself a miserable companion in hopes that they will initiate the breakup. Don’t avoid phone calls, or not show up for scheduled dates. Being a jerk only means you are a coward and do not have enough regard for your Ex to even treat them with common dignity. When it comes time to end it, look them straight in the eye, and state your case.
  3. Be Honest: Whether you simply can no longer stand their table manners, or you realize you have different goals and dreams, be honest about why the relationship is ending. Guessing what you did wrong to end a relationship can be a haunting experience that can last years. Do your Ex a favor and be honest, no matter how that reflects on you. Are you interested in someone else? Although it is not recommended to start a relationship while already in one, admit your infidelity and allow the other person to use that as a tool to get over you more quickly. Also, let them know that you learned valuable lessons from being with them and that although the relationship did not last long term, it was not time wasted.
  4. Be Respectful: Have this conversation in private and at a time which can allow both of you to talk about the relationship. Don’t do it over the phone, or in a crowded place, and try to avoid meaningful dates such as holidays or birthdays. Remember, treat others the way you would like to be treated, and do your best. Now is also not the time for accusations, name-calling, and blame. You are ending the relationship for YOU. You deserve happiness, and you aim to get it. Any specific actions of your partner that determined that your happiness is not best served by involvement with them is no longer an issue.
  5. Don’t be defensive: Remember, this break up is your idea, and may come as a shock to your Ex. His/her reaction may be accusatory or mean. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the drama. If the other person becomes verbally or physically abusive, walk away, and be done with it.

Although breaking off an unsatisfying relationship is hard, living within one is even worse. Don’t drag it out and let valuable time slip away. When you get the signal that all is not right, and you are not being respected, cared for, or treated in that special way, end the relationship and move on. There are a lot of other caring, loving people in the world looking for someone just like you.

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